I Can’t Tell If This Jeff Gordon Prank Is Real Or Not, What Say You?

13 Mar

This video is a little longer than usual

I have watched this three times and I’m puzzled. My gut tells me it is real but I would have to have ONE question answered before I would ever validate it.

What kind of sick shit shit is Pepsi on, pulling this prank on an older man? Are you fucking kidding me, Pepsi? What if this guy would of had a heart attack in the middle of this?

I just can’t see Pepsi pulling some shit like this without putting this man through a full physical or getting a clean bill of health. The risk is too high. This wasn’t your average run of the mill prank here. Gordon was getting busy like a mother fucker. And because I don’t think Pepsi would risk the life of a blue collared car salesman without some sort of physical evaluation first, I have to say this video was staged. As much as I want to believe my man Gordo is cool enough to pull this off, I just can’t.

There is only one way to know for sure and I think Pepsi missed the boat on this one. If they would have had a separate video of this dude changing his shitty briefs, there would be no denying. Because if this was real, this dude would have 100 percent shit his pants. I practically shit my pants three nights ago when I hit a squirrel. So there is no chance homeboy makes it out of this test drive dry.

Jim Irsay Is On Drugs And I Want To Fuck His Daughters

12 Mar

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This picture is further proof that Ol’ Jimmy is 100 percent on some crazy shit. Hip outfit, bruhh. Do you not look at the picture you are tweeting before you hit send?

Irsay and I have been bitter enemies for quite some time(he blocked me on twitter 3 times) but I have made a peace offering and all will be forgotten on one condition…..

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That’s right. My peace offering comes in the form of my pecker. I have officially reached out to Mr. Irsay and I am willing to let bygones be bygones if Jimbo is willing to let me fingerblast his daughters. Any one of them. Preferably Casey…..

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However, If Casey isn’t available then I would probably be willing to let Carlie take her place…

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The ball is in your court, Jimmy. What do you say we put an end to this feud? All we need is love. Well all You need is drugs, all I need is love.

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** I hope Carlie doesn’t get too upset that I think she is the second hottest Irsay daughter. Casey and I just click. We mesh, if you will. You can’t defy the laws of attraction.

Bro Punches A Couple Chicks And Quickly Gets His Shit Packed In

12 Mar

Well this was interesting. It seems to me like this dude may have been a little bit drunk or something. Either that or he knew exactly what he was doing and isn’t afraid to put a bitch in check, ehh? Either way, The Mexican Skinhead( I think that’s what that was) promptly put an end to that nonsense. And I tell you one thing, Mexican Skinheads must be pretty stand up dudes. As soon as he knocked this guy out he did everything he could to make sure nobody snuck him while he was down. I hafto appreciate that.

Two quick things here. 1) what the fuck was up with the Chris Rock New Jack City Crackhead looking mother fucker that kept on with the cheap shots? Not sure Ive ever wanted to see someone get hit by truck as badly as I wanted to see this dude get it. 2) One of the more annoying things in my life these days seems to be when a group of bystanders in every fight video scream out ” World Star”. Cool, fellas. The gang signs are always a nice touch as well. Think this gets these guys laid? Like hey ladies, did you see me on YouTube last night? Yup, that was me on the stoop getting Krooked Eyes, flashing the 304, reppin World Star. Impressive.

Fuckin Sheft Is A Busy Beaver Today…

12 Mar

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With free-agency in full swing you can bet your bottom dollar that the worlds biggest squid, Adam Shefter, barely has time to even put his cell phone down. Really, bro? You are telling me that you couldn’t wait to send that tweet out? You just had to make sure the cameras were rolling, uh? Well I guess thats what makes Shefty, Shefty. Always trying to play it cool. No matter how ridiculous he looks to me or you, it just doesn’t matter. Shefty is going to play it out like he is cooler than a cucumber. Precisely the reason that I love to hate this tiny, tiny man. 5 foot 2 inches if pure unadulterated penisness. Sheft On.

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I Don’t Want To Write This State Of The Steelers Blog But…Part 1 of 2

11 Mar

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Thanks for the memories you crazy son of a bitch.

Oh boy, where do I even start. This may be the toughest State Of The Steelers Address that I have ever had to write. Free-Agency is upon us and I don’t remember the last time I have felt this uneasy about the future. It seems as if we are losing key veteran players at almost every position and if I know The Rooney’s like I think I do, we sure as shit won’t be replacing them with big name free agents. It’s a double edge sword and tho it can be frustrating, the discipline our front office shows year after year is quite extraordinary. As much as I would love to see us re-sign certain players for big money, I find comfort in the fact that no one player will ever be above the system. Pittsburgh is one of the few teams that will never ever be held hostage by a big name superstar. I’m looking at you Darrelle Revis. This off season seems to be a little different tho. It is obvious that we have begun the rebuilding process and there are so many question marks at so many positions it literally makes me nauseous. One thing I can tell you tho is this, we will always be competitive and we will always win on draft day. Let’s just take a quick gander at a couple of positions where we are losing key players and also some of the possible moves we can make to compensate for these losses.

Wide Receiver- It is obvious that Mike Wallace is a huge loss. It is well documented that I hate Wallace and I think we should have let him hold out last season, for several reasons. I feel like if we would have just let him watch football from his home last season, his stock would have dropped and we would have had the last laugh. Although, he will most likely be signing with Miami and my prediction is that his career will end just like Yancey’s did when he dipped out looking for those greener pastures. In turn, we will indeed have the last laugh. Whether I like Mikey or not I can’t dispute the fact that his speed alone stretched the field, drew double coverage and opened things up for the real Young Money Crew to do their thang. Mikey will be missed for those specific reasons but I’m telling you, with Sanders, Antonio, J-Clutch and Heath, we still have a very potent and able core moving forward. Sexico will most likely return and that should give us an edge in the redzone as well. Two free agents that I think would be worth lookin at would be Steve Breaston and Teddy Ginn Jr. Neither are big time ball players by any stretch but they also have been a product of their respected/shitty systems and At times their terrible QB’s. When Breaston had a stud throwing to him he produced. It’s as simple as that. May be worth a look as lkng as Ben is at the trigger. Basically what I am saying is this- fuck you Mike Wallace. Have fun in South Beach. You will have plenty of time to work on your tan during your extended off season.

Running Back-Things are very shady at the Running Back position in Pittsburgh right now. Nobody is 100 percent certain what Rashard Please Don’t Drop The MendenBall is going to do but most speculate he will not be wearing Black and Gold next year. To say his career has been a disappointment thus far would be like saying Big Ben doesn’t like to fuck college broads in narrow spaces. I remember when we drafted Mendy I said to myself that this was the dude. He was the future. He has all the assets. Don’t get me wrong, I truly believe that we never did take full advantage of the bros skill set but he was a huge disappointment nonetheless. There were times that I would have literally paid Arians good moneys to just throw Mendy the screen pass. If he lands in the right system he could easily be a top 5 back. But for some reason we never gave the kid the ball outside of the tackles. We didn’t utilize his speed nor his ability to mull mother fuckers over in the open field and that my friends is a travesty.

With Mendy gone, that leaves us with our two obvious “feature” backs- Dwyer and Redman. I love both of these guys. Dwyer-AKA-The Mini Bus is as tough as they come when he is actually on the field and Redman is a fucking Rhinoceros. However, neither seem to be able to stay healthy. Very frustrating. I thought with Chris Rainey’s emergence, he would be an excellent compliment to two power backs. Unfortunately he is more concerned with beating the shit out of tricks than focusing on becoming a millionaire and a champion. I’m pretty sure that I am the only person that feels like this was a huge loss tho. It’s almost as if everyone thinks that depth at the RB position is no longer a vital part of winning a Super Bowl. I agree that The NFL is slowly becoming a passing league but just like The Wildcat and running QB’s I think this is just a fad that will eventually run its course. Having said all that, there are two free agents out there that would look perfect in Black and Gold. Those two being Ahmad Bradshaw and Stevie Jackson. Obviously I would prefer the latter but both would be a huge addition and ensure a healthy rotation of RB’s for the foreseeable future. Also, I believe we would be able to acquire either at a reasonable price. Even tho Ahmad is a top guy I feel like he has his issues with staying healthy as well and that could lower the price on him at the end of the day. Another problem with Bradshaw is that he doesn’t like to practice. That may have worked for him in NY but it would never fly in Steeler Country. When I say he doesn’t like to practice I mean he literally did not practice as a Giant. As far as Steven Jackson goes, damn…just too good to be true. I won’t even let my mind go there but i will say this; Jackson has made a ton of money and maybe, just maybe he would be willing to sacrifice money for rings. After-all, The Bus came from The Rams and that worked out pretty good for us, didn’t it?

I only covered a couple positions on this blog and tomorrow I will be posting the second part of this blog. I will outline the defensive side of the ball. From losing James Harrison to talk of letting Keenan Lewis go, things aren’t looking so hot for the Steel Curtain next season. One other thing I will be talking about will be the back-up QB position. This is something we absolutely must address this off season as well. I love Chuck and Byron is a gamer but neither are really cutting it anymore.

The future is looking a little crazy but if there is one thing I have learned about the Steelers is that we will always be ok. The powers that be are God Damn deadly in the war room. For every James Harrison there are three more being bred as we speak. Hungry and waiting for their opportunity to shine.

Remember, tune in tomorrow for part two.

Any Time You Think Your Life Sucks, Just Be Thankful You Are Not This Chick

11 Mar

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Today was just one of those days. You know, one of those days where you just kind of sit around all day feeling sorry for yourself. Thinking of what could have been and trying to accept that life as a Blogging Chef isn’t real awesome…. Then out of know where someone sends me an email and much to my dismay my day took a turn for the better. Total game changer. Here is the email in all its glory:

Goddy,

Next time you think your life sucks just imagine living one day with the name Sheena J. Rectanus.

GB

Incredible.

I don’t know who this mystery “GB” is but whoever you are- thank you. You are the reason I have picked myself up by my nut bag and got to writing on this rainy, dreary night. For this very noble act, Mr./Mrs. GB, you get yourself a free limited edition “The Buse” t-shirt. We don’t just give these “Magical” gems to anyone, son. You hafto earn these puppies.

And to you, Sheena Rectanus, when you get out of jail- hollar. I need to give you a job or something. Between your prison bid and that last name I reckon employers won’t exactly be kicking in your door. So like I said, get at us Sheena Rectanus.

** I was kind of skeptical and thought this may be a fake picture so I did some research. Ms. Rectanus is real life shit and I am going to find her. Some how some way I will find her.

Dunk Of The Year?

11 Mar

I don’t normally post dunks that you can see on SportsCenter for three weeks strait but obviously I had to make an exception on this one. This is honestly one of the sickest dunks I have seen since Vince Carter was doing it big.

My hatred for Lebron James is well documented and it lains me to say this but I absolutely agree with that dickhead on this one. This is easily the dunk of the year.

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